Tomorrow we find out what happens...

...when you don't 'train' for a race.  Yup - that's right - no training.  I have hit a rut, and I now NEED to get through it.  I have given myself Grace, but now I think I'm pushing it and it's time to give up my Self and get to it.  It is Lent, afterall.  It is time to evaluate WHY I want to do this. I still want to, but I have lost my momentum.

I do know that my Interest Span for most things is about six months.  I had this great idea for 50/50 2015 last fall, about six months ago.  It is 'naturally' time for me to be 'over' running and on to the next thing.

But that's not why I want to run...  not just to mark something off my bucket list.  I want to do this because it is supposed to help me establish a NEW routine, a NEW habit, a LIFETIME habit so I can stay fit and healthy and bendy and bounce when I get old.  I never want to be old and frail.  I want to still be able to climb stairs and sit on the floor (and get back up) and get in and out of the kayak and fight off colds and not take lots of pills and recover quickly if I do get some major illness.

I read a couple of articles this week about being fat vs. being thin.  One lady said she was much happier fat (size 18ish? her words) than when she was a size 4 because it was constant maintenance for the size 4 and it wore her out. She was happier being bigger and more relaxed.  Her arguments made sense, sorta.  Then I read another article about a 'big girl' who LOVES to run. She doesn't run fast and hasn't lost any weight at all, but she enjoys her time and running has become a part of her that she prioritizes and has no desire to give up.  She doesn't consider it work or torture, but an enjoyable activity that makes her feel good.

Size vs. Happiness.

I'm not 'plus size' anymore - I used to be a 20+.  I'm not a size 4, either, altho' I was a 6 for a very brief time in 2007.  These days, I'm closer to a 12.  I'd like to be an 8-10, mostly because I have some supercute dresses in my closet that I'm not ready to give up on.  So - was I happier at a 6 than at a 20+?  Definitely!  I had gained that weight because I was depressed and my life was out of control.  But - was I happier at a 6 than I am now at a 12?  No, not really - that was a very busy time of our lives and things have calmed and settled since then.  See- and now I've gone down the "weight" rabbit hole.....  This is where I do NOT want to be or go.  It is nice when my clothes fit correctly, right now I'm sorta between so things are too loose or too tight, which is frustrating. {Full Disclosure - I have the means to resolve this issue.  I am a seamstress and make my own clothes, so this whole weight/size thing is truly a "smoke and mirrors" argument... for Me - We're all different!}

So - what makes Me happy?  Being Healthy!!  I think that's why running is appealing to me as a lifetime form of exercise and movement.  It's not hard, simply put one foot in front of the other.  If I want to enjoy the sunshine, I take my time and soak it up.  If I want to feel my heart beating and the blood pumping, I step it up and go faster.  I listen to the birds, ponder the mysteries of life, listen to a good book, admire the neighbors front yards and porches (okay - the neighbors in the next neighborhood over, their houses are so cute!), refuel and revive.  Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?

So why am I still on the sofa, typing this instead of outside?  Good question, and I am writing this blog with hope to discover the answer.  Today's post feels a bit rambling, but that's what my thoughts do, ramble around. I want to be honest with you, thereby with myself.

Please share in the comments below if you have questions, motivations, suggestions....

Stay tuned for tomorrow's results!

#runningtowardsfifty